Nighttime parenting-I'm just going to put it out there, I'm TERRIBLE at it. Why? Because I turn into to one grumpy to put it mildly, impatient, and delirious person. I think this comes from the fact that I haven't slept through the night in over 3 years, we co-sleep and my littlest little becomes the spawn of some insomniac demon. SERIOUSLY, this is no joke. I know ya'll are thinking "Oh, he can't be that bad", or "I know him in-real-life and he is so happy" and all I can say is.....okay, he's yours for ONE night or as many as you can handle. This kid of mine, well I'm to the point of hiring a body double or stand in parent during the night and I don't even know if that kind of thing exists but if it doesn't I think I've just tapped into a part of the baby market that has been thus far ignored but so desperately NEEDED. I think this idea is SO good, I'm ready to take it to Shark Tank. Maybe this is the lack of sleep talking.
I don't think I can find the words to paint an accurate picture of what it is like to sleep with Baby J on a nightly basis but I'm definitely going to try-so sit back and enjoy the scenery of our nighttime dance unfold before you, complete with run on sentences and the most vivid language I can muster.
Baby J starts his night in the crib, goes down with ease (I mean, REALLY easy-rock him for a few, sing a song and pat his back for a minute easy) but still doesn't sleep through the night. Annnnnnd then the startling screams and half awake whines start. Baby J is restless, sooooooo restless. He will physically attempt to roll me on my back and then proceed to turn my head sideways so he can lay his WHOLE head across my face. He will also wedge his entire head under my chin slowing crushing my wind pipe while gently stroking my cheek, or he will do several 360's until he is nuzzled as close to me and in the crook of my arm, or sometimes he'll just jab my throat and poke me in the eyes to make sure I'm alive, or I'll roll over onto my side and will immediately feel his bowling ball head, knee or foot in my back. Did I mention that when I finally get a good choke hold on him he starts kicking-just searching for some point of contact where he can inflict his nightly act of mommy terrorism. Last night I got a REAL good head butt right to the nose, and of course expletives flew from my mouth in every direction. That's just a tiny taste of as of late, I think I block out most of it or else insanity would be my new middle name.
Nighttime parenting is just HARD. I'm not good at it, and I just want Baby J to sleep through the night (did I mention that he is 17 months old, and has been weened for almost 4 months now). Maybe my expectations of getting a WHOLE night of uninterrupted sleep is shooting for the moon, but I honestly thought it would be a possibility at this point. Maybe tomorrow night?
No comments:
Post a Comment