Well, I just wanted to put this out there-miscarriage, why is it such a faux-pas to discuss it or share it? I mean let's throw all the preconceived notions about not telling people before 12 weeks because reality is that 25% of women have miscarriages, and some happen even AFTER 12 weeks.
Once I was finally able to at least mention that I was prego, I also had to mention that I didn't know how far along I was because of a previous miscarriage and I didn't have a cycle after blah blah blah....which, believe it or not is not the most exciting way to share such wonderful news. However, almost every woman I told felt comfortable enough to tell me they had also had a miscarriage. Two of which happened after 3 months and at the time sounded like a painful experience. I feel so grateful to know that I wasn't alone, because the statistics most definitely weren't comforting enough. I think that if you have a strong bond with another woman, you should at the very least console, talk with, grief with and cry with one another-especially if you aren't the lie on a couch and assume of the position of a patient type person. Please don't think I'm ignoring the importance of husbands because they also share a huge roll, but its just not quite the same is it?
In speaking with one friend, she sort of gave me the idea to write this blog (it was her idea to write a book about it).
I found out I was pregnant in the middle of April, having no symptoms but my cycle was late. My husband and I are open to children, but we weren't exactly "trying" to conceive. I was SO very excited, and called my best friend and parents right away. I wasn't going to see my husband for 3 more days (we live apart currently due to job situation), so I sought their advice on how to tell him and a quick google search (what did I do before the internet?!?) and decided to wrap up the pregnancy test as a present. Needless to say, he was in SHOCK and it took him a couple of days to marinate in the idea of being a daddy. (I'm told this isn't super uncommon, but if any men out there care to share their first reactions I would LOVE to hear your story).
I made my first prenatal appointment for the Tuesday after Easter, but still wasn't having any pregnancy symptoms....so I went along my merry way. On Good Friday evening, I started having some light cramps and some spotting. I am a worrier and somewhat of a panicker, and so I ran to the store for a pregnancy test and scavenged the internet for information. I went to bed, trying not to let it bother me but at 3 am I was woken up by some pretty sharp pains and of course more panic. I took some Aleve (not know at the time this is a "no, no"), but that didn't even come close to squelching the pain. I was still just spotting, but it started to become heavier and I took another pregnancy test, which was positive (I would later find out why they continue to be positive). The pain was just something I had never experienced before, and I think I have a pretty high tolerance for pain. I couldn't sit still, I was uncomfortable in every position I tried until finally I passed a mass of tissue. The physical pain went away instantly, but I was in shock. I cried on and off for the next couple of days. My husband was completely supportive and nurturing, and I couldn't have asked for more. We went to Easter Vigil that night, we prayed, I cried, he hugged me. It was hard to look at families and babies.
I text messaged my family and best friend to let them know what happened, but asked them to leave me alone. My best friend told me she cried for two hours after I told her. That Monday I called by Dr's office, and they scheduled an ultrasound to see what happened. I went, and the ultrasound told me what I already knew-no baby. My Dr. gave me this ridiculous pamphlet, that I suppose is supposed to be helpful. Two blood tests later told me that my hcg was back to zero......
A week later, my husband and I had another conversation about the miscarriage, and he said the sweetest thing ever-"going through all this made me realize just how much I want to be a dad". I still kinda tear up when I recall the conversation.
I was advised, all most doctors do to wait for 2-3 full cycles before trying again....to grieve, to make sure your body had returned to "normal"....its just one of those things that will always be with me, as I'm sure it is with anyone who has ever had a miscarriage.
I wrote this for me, and for anyone who is reading it.
